My car has not been cooperating, so it's made it difficult for me to practice driving.
After the muffler fell off, we found out some other parts needed to be replaced. There’s something bizarre going on with the gear shift, and the car shakes whenever it’s put in reverse. I don't know... but in order to drive it, you have to simultaneously have your foot on the gas when you use the breaks. My boyfriend apparently knows how to handle it and has been driving it like this for months, but I don’t trust my coordination and driving skills enough to have my feet anywhere near the gas or the brake pedals until we get it fixed.
Hopefully, we are finally getting it fixed this weekend!
In the meantime, I did some lovely psychological self-evaluation via Google.
My problem isn’t so much the lack of knowledge. I know how to drive. Well except sometimes when I get confused about when and where I can or can’t turn.
How do I know which side I’m supposed to turn into when there are like 3 to choose from, and how do I know which one the guy next to me will choose?
And I’m sorry, but the term “median” seems pretty subjective to me.
Simple, yet potentially fatal, things like that…
But the main reason I don’t drive is fear. I always say my brain doesn’t work as fast as the cars speeding past me. By the time I realize where to turn, I’ve passed it. By the time I turn my blinker on and decide it’s probably safe enough to get into the other lane, the driver behind my potential new spot is fed up and picks up speed.
So anyway, I checked out some websites that popped up when I typed in “fear of driving” and “driving anxiety,” and wouldn’t you know it, most of them were advertising expensive self-help programs to either buy or download. After some more digging, I found a ton of pseudo-inspiring advice such as “panic is your body’s way of protecting you,” “keep a daily journal expressing your emotional journey,” and “you have to take control of your body: relax your jaw, count to 10, and take a deep breath.”
This one was actually kind of helpful though because it made me realize that this is a real phobia, and it’s not the craziest, most embarrassing thing in the world after all:
http://www.driving-fear.com/scared_of_driving.html
I do feel silly because I’ve never been in an accident or experienced any sort of trauma. But then again, maybe that’s exactly the problem. I’m not saying that I wish a car accident on myself (oh Jesus, I hope I’m not jinxing myself right now), but maybe the anticipation of an accident is why I’m so panicky. I don’t know what to expect, what an accident would feel like, how to handle the situation… and that might be why it’s such a scary thought for me.
